How To Be A Rude Asshole – Life Lesson #2
Life Lesson number 2 is all about how to be a rude asshole when you go shopping. because some of us are simply put here to make other peoples lives a misery. Some of us get such joy from it too. Let’s hope that some people all learn something from this sarcastic blog post today.
Throw Things Around The Shelves
Why would you want to put things back on the shelves nicely? Especially when there is a sales assistant who is paid minimum wage to do it for you! It’s too much of an effort to put stuff back nicely, isn’t it? I mean customers love to see frozen food dumped in the stationary aisle all of the time. Other customers absolutely love it when you dump your Poppy Red lipstick in front of the Vivacious Red lipstick, and they buy the wrong one.
And it is so much fun when you just lay the hair colours down in the wrong place. Then the sales assistant has 573 boxes with ladies faces staring at them and it becomes like a game of Guess Who. They look at the box to find the brand, then the colour and lastly the shade. Eventually, it goes back on the shelf where it should be.
Forget Your Manners
Why would you say ‘Hello’, ‘Please’ and ‘Thankyou’ to people in the shops? When you can barge past them and it is so much more fun. After all sales assistants are so much lower than you on the life chain, aren’t they? Making sure you are getting in peoples way. Then start tutting and huffing when you don’t get your own way, make it loud enough so people can hear you. Park your pram in the aisles and growl as people dare to try and squeeze past.
Demand To See The Manager If You Don’t Get Your Own Way
We all like to get our own way, but sometimes it is so difficult. especially when the sales assistants get in the way. The way to get your own way and be a rude asshole is to demand to speak to the manager. After all, it is easy to think the customer is always right. Even though you are not! But to keep the peace, it is often easier for managers to take the shit that you are giving them. Then give you a £5 voucher and feel belittled because of your behaviour. So why would you want to be nice to the staff, when you can cause trouble in your wake?
Open Products And Try Them As You Be A Rude Asshole
What The Heck? There are no testers in the shop. You can’t try clothes on and there are no tasting tables for food. How awful for you. But it is okay, you can rip open a packet of clothes or a packet of sanitary towels to feel what they look like. Open that spray deodorant or shower gel to see what they smell and feel like. It’s not like there is a global pandemic at the moment, so you can’t share your possible Covid.
Come Shopping For A Weekly Shop, 5 Minutes Before The Shop Closes
Isn’t it bloody awkward and inconvenient that shops close five minutes before you decide you need them? When you suddenly remember that you need that new dress with matching shoes and a bag from New Look at 5.25 pm. When you suddenly remember at 9.55 pm, that you haven’t done the weekly shop and your kids are hungry. So you drag your tired, hangry kids to the supermarket. Then the staff have to listen to them crying and moaning all the way around the shop. It’s not like the staff have their own family to go home and feed. Or they will end up doing unpaid overtime.
Surely the staff members chose to work in this atmosphere for minimum wage.
Reduce The Staff To Tears As You Be A Rude Asshole
Now, this is the one where you really do come out top on how to be a rude asshole. I mean it’s not like these essential workers in retail, that put their life and safety on hold. Through the 18 months that was a small little thing like …… A GLOBAL FUCKING PANDEMIC. We all half-heartedly clapped them on a Thursday. But that is all forgotten now.
Reducing the staff to tears, because they are at breaking point is so much fun and it secures your spot as a rude asshole.
How To Really Act When You Go Shopping!!!!
There is really absolutely no reason to act as you are. If you have a problem, please speak to the staff in shops – not scream at them. Please act with dignity and respect for all the other customers and staff around you. Is this how you would like to be treated or have your children spoken to. Believe it or not, the world does not revolve around you and your attitude. My mum said to me once, it’s okay because staff in shops are paid to clean it up. She likes to be a rude asshole too. So when you go into a shop, leave your Karen name badge outside and enter with positivity.
You don’t know what a sales assistant has already been through today, and what his or her secret smile is hiding. She could be hiding that her granddaughter was put up for adoption or they could be one bad customer away from swallowing a packet of pills. The past few years have been difficult for us all, so let’s not make it worse for people.
That concludes life lesson number 2